College Life Today

Think I’m kidding? Absolutely not! In fact, one of our best writers told me over a beer last night that he got over 15 dates in college using the “Holy shit! I’ve a term paper due tomorrow and I don’t know how to do it” line on hot girls at the U of Wisconsin. Just like the cheesy guy at the laundry mat looking helplessly at the skid-marks on his underwear, Riley Musbach, professional term paper writer extraordinaire, shamelessly scammed brainy females into helping him with his already completed term papers! I thought I’d heard it all but Riley gave me new insight into creative college dating secrets and here is how he did it!

Riley is actually kind of shy so I was surprised to hear this swanky approach but anyway, here is his 5 step approach, guaranteed (according to him otherwise he owes you a beer and I’ll give you his number) to get at least 1 out of 3 girls to say yes to a term paper date.

1. Go to a place where hot brainy girls hang out. According to Riley, they don’t even have to be brainy, just speak English and have had English 101. This can be the library, student union, or even a bar but it has to be a relatively quiet place so they can hear your sigh, moans and groans.
2. Acquire a seat within 5 to 10 feet of them. Sometimes it helps to have a buddy along to support your story and make a harmless scene.
3. Once you have your seat, get out your phone, day planner, or whatever could look like something you keep yourself organized on. A piece of paper with the words “Term Paper Due Tomorrow” written on it will even suffice.
4. Begin the suffering. A good “Oh my God! I’m gonna loose the keys to the porche my rich parents bought me if I fail this term paper!” usually gets any woman’s attention (Ok…that one is too over the top but…) Just begin with some actions of utter panic, groan, put your hands in your hair, look around the room like someone just told you your dog died and you need a hug.
5. If she shows no interest in what horrible thing is happening to you, you should: a) consider moving on, she’s a cold bitch; b) sniffle a bit (now you’re the pathetic one but it works with some women); c) take to last and, according to Riley, sure-fire tactic – use the “I never” line. Simply wait 2 minutes to compose yourself, tap her on the shoulder and say, “Excuse me, I never do this but I’m in such a mess here, do you have any idea how to write a term paper on…”.

According to Riley, it works far better than hanging out in laundry mats or sending over beers in a crowded bar. Now Riley is 28 and doesn’t have a steady girlfriend at this time but…take it for what it’s worth, he swears by the “Term Paper! Help me! ” method!

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